I have you now!

Sheng dan kuai le! Try saying that ten times fast. Though wishing a seasons greeting in Chinese certainly has its own charm, I think I'm going to stick with the good old fashioned Merry Christmas. And the season continues to be a merry one in out little corner of northern China. It seems that all the Chinese people are hugely curious of discovering more about Christmas from all the Americans. Although there are a lot of decorations, santa hats, trees, and strange tasting "gingerbread" houses, the holiday turns out to be a little on the hollow side for most Chinese. Like getting all dresssed up to go for a big date with nowhere to go, Christmas here seems to be all for show.

Last week we were invited to an English Corner on one of the campuses of Hebei University to discuss what Christmas is all about. It was an awesome opportunity to discuss the roots of the Christmas holiday and get past a lot of the fluff that they see in American movies (their fount of knowledge for most foreign subjects). We had a great time reading parts of the Christmas story from the books Matthew and Luke while Chinese students read aloud with us. There were a few tricky parts to explain, i.e. virgin birth and Herod did what to all the babies??, but overall they grasped the main themes quickly. Following some questions we talked about singing Christmas carols and lead the students in "Silent Night" and "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing."

The Christmas madness didn't end there as the next Friday Jon and Ryan organized a movie night at their college in order to show "It's a Wonderful Life." We were worried that not many students would be able to attend as we had given them only short notice in the form of 12 text messages to Jon's students saying "Movie Night! Bring your friends!" I should've realized by now that one thing China never lacks is people and we were not disappointed as the room filled up once again. Watching "It's a Wonderful Life" with my family around Christmas time has been one of my favorite holiday traditions and I truly wish they could have been there last Friday to see the reactions of the students. They adored George Bailey and the room was filled with their collective laughter at his antics as well as scowls at old man Potter. My favorite moment occurred at the end of the movie when George is about to be arrested by the police but all his friends come to give him money. The first to do so is Uncle Billy with a huge basketful of cash and as he poured it out the students in unison began to clap emphatically and cheer for him (or possibly could have been for the sight of a mountain of cash, who knows).

Watching this movie always makes me reflect on just how grateful I am for my life. Last week in classes we were talking about injuries and how to stay healthy. Through teaching this lesson, I shared stories of all the stupid ways I had injured myself in the past. The students were dumbfounded when I told them my front teeth are fake and I knocked my old teeth out while falling from my bike or when I showed them the huge scar on my arm from my snowboarding accident in high school. My favorite story to tell them was about my brother Peter, who had to get stitches twice in the same spot (and within mere months of each accident) due to a baseball bat's backswing that he caught in the face and running headlong into a wall while chasing a balzac I had thrown at him.

This upcoming week will be filled to the brim with Christmas lessons and parties. I personally cannot wait to see what it is like to play a game of white elephant (or greed or dirty santa, everyone seems to have a different name for this game) with Chinese friends!

P.S. If you're interested in coming to China but don't care about teaching, try out this fantastic new weight loss program! Evidently China is a great place to lose weight due to the drastic change in eating habits that it induces (who would've thought?).

Who's scruffy-looking?

The deep Chinese chill has begun to set in but you won't find anyone hibernating here. Instead of burrowing deep into my den for the winter, I have decided to face the cold head on. My going outside gear now often includes but is not limited to: long underwear bottoms, jeans, long sleeve undershirt, sweatshirt/sweater, jacket, two pairs of socks, shoes, gloves, scarf, and hat. While this may not seem overly impressive to many of you, you must keep in mind that in years past I would often still be seen wearing sandals at this time of year. However, not even my hobbit feet could brave the great wall wind that blows down to Baoding.

Even with all these wintry wards, (can you tell I've been on an alliteration kick lately?) I have not completely managed to shut out the cold. Last Thursday was undoubtedly the coldest temperature to date. While the temperature alone would have been bearable, there was a fiercely strong wind that made the cold blow right through every layer you could stack against it. While riding my electric bike with Jon and Ryan to our weekly lunch meeting at KFC, we could not help but let out a few wild yelps at the sting. Encouraged by our mutual frostbite, we desired no longer to subdue our discomfort and proceeded to yell battle crise like savage indians the rest of way to lunch.

If bearing the cold is the price we must pay to welcome the holiday season than I am confident that we bear it gladly. Both I and the rest of team Baoding have had our spirits uplifted by the prolific signs of Christmas fast approaching. I was unsure how much Christmas time would be felt while we are in this foreign land, as both Thanksgiving and Halloween were treated as very minor affairs. It seems so far that Christmas is in a whole different league. Everywhere we go there is a jolly Santa peaking around the corner at us, a christmas tree with incredibly ridiculous ornaments, magnanimous displays of holiday lights, and even a massive gingerbread house!

It seems that the Christmas spirit has spread all over. Trips to the supermarket have been greatly enhanced through the workers all donning little Santa helper costumes. Walking down aisles that are practically bleeding tinsel while listening to a ridiculous Chinese version of "Santa Claus is coming to town" has put an abundant amount of holiday joy into my heart. I even went so far as to create a Christmas wish list powerpoint for my mom after she chided me on not being able to think of anything I would want.








In addition to my regular routine of teaching and hanging out with students, visiting the local coffee bars and dvd shops have become my regular rendevouz of choice. The coffee shops are always a great semi-warm getaway and usually pretty empty, allowing a perfect time for chatting or reading. There are always new dvd stores to discover and I was recently overjoyed to find 5 seasons of one of my favorite tv shows, Monk, on dvd for a mere $3! To top it off, last Saturday night we were invited to go bowling with one of our teaching colleagues, Sophie and her husband. It was an awesome night of relaxation and fun, not to mention that I bowled a 145 and 161 (even without my lucky bowling ball). All things considered, I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to have so many new experiences during this holiday season.

How do you get so big eating food of this kind?

When I first arrived in China I stuck out like a sore thumb. Now that I have begun to grow out my beard I stick out like a sore mutated sixth finger that is not supposed to exist. Not only do I receive the normal double take and look of wonder from the everyday Chinese passerby, I am now frequented with many giggles and blatant fingerpointing towards my person. Not that I have anyone to blame but myself. When one decides to take on the task of growing out a holiday beard for oneself, one has to be prepared for the consequences; no matter how dire they may be. Lately, I have taken to telling people that all American men grow out their beards in the wintertime to keep their faces warm. Unfortunately, they rarely take my word for this and frequently cite beardless movie stars to back up their well founded skepticism.

Over the past 2 weeks I have given Thanksgiving lectures numbering in the double digits. I now know scores of miscellaneous trivia about the origins and traditions relating to Halloween and Thanksgiving. I know all kinds of useless facts about how 46 of the 102 pilgrims died in the first winter, they celebrated the first Thanksgiving in the fall of 1621, and invited the local Indians from the Wampanoag tribe to join them. While they enjoy learning these facts and especially like to see pictures of turkeys, the real fun comes when I get to tell them about what Thanksgiving is like in my family. When I tell the students that my mother comes from a family with seven brothers and sisters and my father has an additional three, their eyes open as wide as saucers and an inevitable "wahhhhhhhh" escapes in unison from all their open mouths. On a spur of the moment whim, I told my class today that it was the first time in my entire life that I would spend Thanksgiving away from my family and didn't fully realize it was true until after I had said it. I don't know if it is a bit of narcissism but part of me is repeatedly surprised that the rest of the world keeps on spinning when I'm not around. It has caused me to reflect more than usual, on this holiday dedicated to thankfulness, how truly blessed I am to have such an amazing family full of loving parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and hybrid cousin/uncle/aunts all mixed into one. I am very grateful to have a family that I truly miss seeing.

However to say that I spent a lonely Turkey Day here in China would truly be a deceptive statement. Apart from the casual "Happy Thanksgiving" wishes I have had thrown at me from friends and strangers alike, I have received a plethora of phone calls, e-mails, and text messages from Chinese friends invoking upon me their most sincere Thanksgiving cheer. One of my favorite text messages of the day went a little something like this:

I open my pocket, find no coin;
I open my purse, find no money;
I open my life, then I find you!
Then I know how rich I am! Happy Thanksgiving Day, my friend!

On top of these warm wishes I got to spend a great night of fun with my fellow IECS team members here in Baoding. We ate "American food" consisting of home-made chicken fajitas, chips & salsa, and some fresh baked cookies! While this may not sound like traditional Thanksgiving fare, I assure you that all of the above were precious commodities indeed and could not have been accomplished without a few special shipments from some thoughtful parents.

This weekend we will journey forth into previously unknown territory and visit a partner IECS team in Langfang. There we will enjoy an awesome time of fellowship witho the whole IECS band and eat some delcious food courtesy of the local team. Best wishes to all of you who are enoying more than the tofu turkeys of China.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Of course nobody likes being sick. However, people handle sickness with varying amounts of dignity. Some suffer quietly and wait patiently for the illness to pass while others complain loudly in an effort to make those around them as miserable as they are. I fall into the latter category. According to my mother, of her three children I am the worst at handling affliction. Evidently I am a natural moaner. When something ails me I can't help but let out a low audible moan to convey my discomfort to whoever is within earshot. Not that this is exactly new information to me, I have always known that I have a low tolerance for pain/cold/itches/you-name-it.

Monday night went very similarly to most other nights. A little reading, a little lesson planning, and a mild change in routine where I ate some packaged noodles at the apartment instead of going out for dinner. No big deal right? I certainly thought so. I won't go into details here but lets just say I awoke during the night with a few violent reactions directly related with something (I swear it must've been those noodles!) I ate. It was a most unpleasant night of many short episodes of sleep so rudely interrupted and to top it off with an ill-timed power outage which only served to darken an already calamitous evening.

The past few days have been spent recovering fluids and attempting to eat foods that seemed entirely undesirable at the time. Throughout this experience my Chinese friends have been extremely helpful, maybe a little too helpful. In order to cancel a class I needed to let a fellow teacher know of my condition so she could pass it on to the students. This simple gesture had an avalanche effect as soon I was receiving numerous calls expressing serious concern over my status and offering help in any way possible. These expressions of aid were not only shown through calls but also through abundant text messages and surprise visits to my apartment. To be perfectly honest, there are many other times when I would have welcomed visits and calls far more amicably. I found myself annoyed at these intrusions but upon seeing the earnestness of their desire to help and sincere concern for my well-being, it was impossible to hold any kind of resentment towards them. Frequently during these communications, my friends would often offer me advice as to how I should be treating myself. I will reiterate these here.

Top 5 suggestions as to treat a Chinese illness:
1. Drink hot water (cold water? you westerners must be crazy)
2. Take Chinese medicine (I think the mentality is that American medicine will not have an effect on a Chinese illness)
3. Have a rest!
4. Put on extra clothes.
5. Go to the hospital.

In fact, almost every conversation I had was followed up by an offer to take me to a nearby hospital or doctor to get a full on diagnosis. Happily these extremes were not necessary as I am beginning to feel much better. My appetite has not fully returned and I am a little worried that my love for noodles might not be coming back anytime soon but only time will tell. All things considered, I think I bore this recent illness quite well, with only minor moaning and no one here to call me out on it! That being said, it is nothing like being sick at home with your mom to bring to you ginger ale and peanut butter crackers while she swaps out the cold washcloth on your forehead and puts in a Star Wars dvd...(sigh). I'll leave you with a text message I received that brightened my spirits while I was feeling down.

Text:
Hello.Tim my name is Jack. Jon told me that you were sinking. I am sorry to hear this remember to drink hot water and wear lots of closes. Remember that I am here my friend. Do you need docotor or hospital. I can find. I will call to check on you sooner after class.

You needn't worry about your reward. If money is all that you love, then that's what you'll receive.

Everyone loves payday. I remember the days not so long ago, working at the Holiday Inn, when I would tear open that envelope and curse the government for how much money these mysterious "programs" like Social Security were pilfering from my paycheck. Here in China payday is way better. Not only is there no tax on my paycheck but there is no paycheck at all! Just a huge pink wad of cash plastered with Chairman Mao's face all over them.
While the pay is not quite what I earned back in the States, it is much more than sufficient for my needs here. With my excess cash I tend to buy things that although cheap, are often times superfluous or not what you would call the bare necessities. For example:










Yes, these gloves do in fact say Hero on the knuckles














Chinese twinkies and french fries/potato chip things
















Slightly hazardous reverse cooling fan
















Awesome movies that I would never purchase for more than dollar store prices










A poster that is most probably offensive in some way to most of the world's population.










As clearly seen here, having too much cash on hand can prove disastrous to an impulse buyer such as myself. Especially when the cash on hand looks more like monopoly money than actual currency. In order to combat this predicament I have taken as many opportunities as possible to pay for the meals or other simple things for the students and Chinese friends I come into contact with. While this may sound like a simple task, it proves much more difficult than one would imagine. The students are very sneaky about beating you to the payment punch. Even though they have nowhere near the spending power of your average employed person, they persist in treating us as "guests" of China and seizing every possible chance to treat us as such. Facing such stiff opposition leads us to take dramatic measures. More than a few times I have pretended to excuse myself to the bathroom in order to prepay a meal, subtly slip the taxi driver a bill before my Chinese counterparts get a chance, or physically tackle my friends before they can reach for their wallets. As fervent as our efforts are, we are still oftentimes bested and must resort to letting them off with a warning that next time it will be our treat, or else.

I sense much fear in you

China does not celebrate Halloween. While this is understandable given the nature of the holiday and its strange not-China-related origins, I find it to be a tragedy for a number of reasons.
Chinese people...
1. are easily entertained by costumes
2. love to eat candy
3. are ridiculously superstitious

Last week we were walking back from a dinner at one of our favorite restaurants that we like to refer to as "Rainforest Cafe" (due to the foliage/fruit on the ceiling, no such luck as to have animals and rainstorms during your meal). As we were walking, we noticed a number of people burning things on the side of the road. Burning trash, while illegal, is not an uncommon sight but the frequency of the event on this night far surpassed our previous encounters. After inquiring the reason for the plethora of mini bonfires, our Chinese friend told us that they are burning money to send to the ancestors in the afterlife. Intrigued and a little disturbed at the prospect of being a little short of some post-mortem cash money, I questioned where they got this ethereal currency. The short answer was that it was just fake money that didn't even really look like real money. After a few more minutes of discussion Jon made the excellent point that maybe if they really believed it would work they would burn their "real" money. Our Chinese friend dismissed this as preposterous and also illegal. A good point as well.

Because of the lack of Halloween awareness here in China, it seems that me and my fellow Americans have taken it upon ourselves to educate everyone we can about this sweet holdiay. For the past week and a half I have spent the majority of my class time teaching fun Halloween words and telling spooky tales which have gone over with more giggles than the screams I was hoping for. For the day itself we traveled to the Financial College where Jon and Ryan teach to have a movie night for students who were interested in watching a scary film. Evidently they were very interested as the big room was packed out with over 400 students who showed up to watch Poltergeist, a fantastic 1982 Steven Spielberg film. The film did not disappoint the viewers and it was really fun to watch the hundreds of students react to the movie with collective screams, laughs, and even applause. After the film we took some students out for coffee and had a great time creating our own tale by playing a game where everyone says one sentence of a story and proceeds in a circular fashion. It will remain one of my favorite Halloween memories ever (right after the time when me and my housemates in college each dressed up as characters from John Carpenter's horrific masterpiece The Thing, pictured here).

I have enjoyed getting to know students from my own college and have recently branched out to make about 1,000 new friends at Jon and Ryan's school as well. After receiving an invitation to come watch some students compete in a karaoke competition, I traveled to the first time last week to the campus of their Financial college. The competition turned out to be a diverse talent show-like operation with singers, dancers, and the occasional magic act thrown in just for the heck of it. Ryan joined the fray by singing Michael Jackson's classic hit, Man in the Mirror and then Jon and I joined him on stage in a collaborative American effort to sing our beloved Oasis song, Wonderwall. Aside from a few falters and lyrical errors, the song went off beautifully. The whole thing felt slightly reminiscent of playing Rock Band and singing the vocals with Jon on the guitar. It was slightly distracting when the students kept coming to the stage and wrapping us with these flamboyant tinsel scarves in the middle of singing but that is one of those things you just don't question. I have uploaded both performances for your viewing pleasure and apologize for the Chinese student who took pictures with the camera while taking the video, he couldn't help himself.





If Halloween turned out to be this much fun I can only imagine what the future holds for the holidays to come. I am slightly concerned at the prospects of finding a turkey here though, we might have to settle for some Peking Duck. Mmmmmhhhh.

You must unlearn what you have learned.

Today marks my fifth week in China. In many ways it feels like the time here has gone by so quickly. Yet at the same time it seems like my last slice of American pizza was a very long time ago. More and more China is starting to feel a bit like home and then comes some insane curveball thrown toward your midsection to knock that breeze of comfort right out of your lungs. Over the past week there have been a few of these interesting lessons that I would like to recount to all of you waguorens (foreigners) back at home.

#1. Massages, while insanely cheap, can be a little on the weird side.
-After competing extensively in a shotput type event Jon decided it was high time for us to get a Chinese massage. Accompanied by our fearless friend Kevin, we purchased a 2 hour long rub down from some Chinese experts for a mere 50 yuan, or about 7 bucks. While parts of this experience were extremely enjoyable (i.e. the hot foot soak and rub), others felt more closely tied to what I would refer to as a beating (i.e. when they "massaged" my stomach a.k.a. transferred all their weight into a fist pressing down on my kidneys).

#2. A few dumplings are delicious; 35 dumplings make you feel worse than the economic crisis.
-My teammates and I were invited to the house of our dear teacher friend Sophie for a fun filled night of dumpling construction and consumption. Our construction efforts were slightly mocked as our Chinese friends relished the opportunity to point out our clumsiness at folding the slabs of dough into neat hot-pocket like purses. Unfortunately, we did such a good job at making the dumplings that there was way more food than necessary, resulting in a "dumpling game" involving laughs, numbers, and overeating dangerous proportions of food. The next few days were spent in recovery with a diet consisting solely of noodles.


#3. Physicals in America are pretty good but in China there is no cutting corners.
-Yesterday all the foreign teachers at Hebei University went on a 2.5 hour bus ride to the capital city of Shijiazhuang (don't worry I can't say it either). We were there to get our physical examinations in order to get our extended teaching visas for the year. Apparently, the Chinese were not completely satisfied with the physical I had before I left in August and wanted to double check to make sure everything was in order. This included the normal things like examinging my height & weight, a blood test, and a confusing eye exam involving strange characters pointed in different directions. They also decided it was a good idea to give me what I am pretty sure was an ultrasound despite my best efforts to ensure them that I was, in fact, not pregnant. I did not try in the least to contain my laughter as they put slimy jelly (my actual stomach is not pictured here) on my tummy and proceeded to rub some kind of mechanical device over my vital organs.

Now I know and in China knowing is probably even more than half the battle. At least two-thirds, or even five-sevenths. In other news, I went to the market with some friends yesterday with the specific intent of buying a speaker for my iPod. Instead I came back with a pair of balls that you roll around your hand, a sword, and a string of Christmas lights. All in all, a satisfactory outing. Now if only I could find a Kung Fu master to teach me...