How do you get so big eating food of this kind?

When I first arrived in China I stuck out like a sore thumb. Now that I have begun to grow out my beard I stick out like a sore mutated sixth finger that is not supposed to exist. Not only do I receive the normal double take and look of wonder from the everyday Chinese passerby, I am now frequented with many giggles and blatant fingerpointing towards my person. Not that I have anyone to blame but myself. When one decides to take on the task of growing out a holiday beard for oneself, one has to be prepared for the consequences; no matter how dire they may be. Lately, I have taken to telling people that all American men grow out their beards in the wintertime to keep their faces warm. Unfortunately, they rarely take my word for this and frequently cite beardless movie stars to back up their well founded skepticism.

Over the past 2 weeks I have given Thanksgiving lectures numbering in the double digits. I now know scores of miscellaneous trivia about the origins and traditions relating to Halloween and Thanksgiving. I know all kinds of useless facts about how 46 of the 102 pilgrims died in the first winter, they celebrated the first Thanksgiving in the fall of 1621, and invited the local Indians from the Wampanoag tribe to join them. While they enjoy learning these facts and especially like to see pictures of turkeys, the real fun comes when I get to tell them about what Thanksgiving is like in my family. When I tell the students that my mother comes from a family with seven brothers and sisters and my father has an additional three, their eyes open as wide as saucers and an inevitable "wahhhhhhhh" escapes in unison from all their open mouths. On a spur of the moment whim, I told my class today that it was the first time in my entire life that I would spend Thanksgiving away from my family and didn't fully realize it was true until after I had said it. I don't know if it is a bit of narcissism but part of me is repeatedly surprised that the rest of the world keeps on spinning when I'm not around. It has caused me to reflect more than usual, on this holiday dedicated to thankfulness, how truly blessed I am to have such an amazing family full of loving parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and hybrid cousin/uncle/aunts all mixed into one. I am very grateful to have a family that I truly miss seeing.

However to say that I spent a lonely Turkey Day here in China would truly be a deceptive statement. Apart from the casual "Happy Thanksgiving" wishes I have had thrown at me from friends and strangers alike, I have received a plethora of phone calls, e-mails, and text messages from Chinese friends invoking upon me their most sincere Thanksgiving cheer. One of my favorite text messages of the day went a little something like this:

I open my pocket, find no coin;
I open my purse, find no money;
I open my life, then I find you!
Then I know how rich I am! Happy Thanksgiving Day, my friend!

On top of these warm wishes I got to spend a great night of fun with my fellow IECS team members here in Baoding. We ate "American food" consisting of home-made chicken fajitas, chips & salsa, and some fresh baked cookies! While this may not sound like traditional Thanksgiving fare, I assure you that all of the above were precious commodities indeed and could not have been accomplished without a few special shipments from some thoughtful parents.

This weekend we will journey forth into previously unknown territory and visit a partner IECS team in Langfang. There we will enjoy an awesome time of fellowship witho the whole IECS band and eat some delcious food courtesy of the local team. Best wishes to all of you who are enoying more than the tofu turkeys of China.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Of course nobody likes being sick. However, people handle sickness with varying amounts of dignity. Some suffer quietly and wait patiently for the illness to pass while others complain loudly in an effort to make those around them as miserable as they are. I fall into the latter category. According to my mother, of her three children I am the worst at handling affliction. Evidently I am a natural moaner. When something ails me I can't help but let out a low audible moan to convey my discomfort to whoever is within earshot. Not that this is exactly new information to me, I have always known that I have a low tolerance for pain/cold/itches/you-name-it.

Monday night went very similarly to most other nights. A little reading, a little lesson planning, and a mild change in routine where I ate some packaged noodles at the apartment instead of going out for dinner. No big deal right? I certainly thought so. I won't go into details here but lets just say I awoke during the night with a few violent reactions directly related with something (I swear it must've been those noodles!) I ate. It was a most unpleasant night of many short episodes of sleep so rudely interrupted and to top it off with an ill-timed power outage which only served to darken an already calamitous evening.

The past few days have been spent recovering fluids and attempting to eat foods that seemed entirely undesirable at the time. Throughout this experience my Chinese friends have been extremely helpful, maybe a little too helpful. In order to cancel a class I needed to let a fellow teacher know of my condition so she could pass it on to the students. This simple gesture had an avalanche effect as soon I was receiving numerous calls expressing serious concern over my status and offering help in any way possible. These expressions of aid were not only shown through calls but also through abundant text messages and surprise visits to my apartment. To be perfectly honest, there are many other times when I would have welcomed visits and calls far more amicably. I found myself annoyed at these intrusions but upon seeing the earnestness of their desire to help and sincere concern for my well-being, it was impossible to hold any kind of resentment towards them. Frequently during these communications, my friends would often offer me advice as to how I should be treating myself. I will reiterate these here.

Top 5 suggestions as to treat a Chinese illness:
1. Drink hot water (cold water? you westerners must be crazy)
2. Take Chinese medicine (I think the mentality is that American medicine will not have an effect on a Chinese illness)
3. Have a rest!
4. Put on extra clothes.
5. Go to the hospital.

In fact, almost every conversation I had was followed up by an offer to take me to a nearby hospital or doctor to get a full on diagnosis. Happily these extremes were not necessary as I am beginning to feel much better. My appetite has not fully returned and I am a little worried that my love for noodles might not be coming back anytime soon but only time will tell. All things considered, I think I bore this recent illness quite well, with only minor moaning and no one here to call me out on it! That being said, it is nothing like being sick at home with your mom to bring to you ginger ale and peanut butter crackers while she swaps out the cold washcloth on your forehead and puts in a Star Wars dvd...(sigh). I'll leave you with a text message I received that brightened my spirits while I was feeling down.

Text:
Hello.Tim my name is Jack. Jon told me that you were sinking. I am sorry to hear this remember to drink hot water and wear lots of closes. Remember that I am here my friend. Do you need docotor or hospital. I can find. I will call to check on you sooner after class.

You needn't worry about your reward. If money is all that you love, then that's what you'll receive.

Everyone loves payday. I remember the days not so long ago, working at the Holiday Inn, when I would tear open that envelope and curse the government for how much money these mysterious "programs" like Social Security were pilfering from my paycheck. Here in China payday is way better. Not only is there no tax on my paycheck but there is no paycheck at all! Just a huge pink wad of cash plastered with Chairman Mao's face all over them.
While the pay is not quite what I earned back in the States, it is much more than sufficient for my needs here. With my excess cash I tend to buy things that although cheap, are often times superfluous or not what you would call the bare necessities. For example:










Yes, these gloves do in fact say Hero on the knuckles














Chinese twinkies and french fries/potato chip things
















Slightly hazardous reverse cooling fan
















Awesome movies that I would never purchase for more than dollar store prices










A poster that is most probably offensive in some way to most of the world's population.










As clearly seen here, having too much cash on hand can prove disastrous to an impulse buyer such as myself. Especially when the cash on hand looks more like monopoly money than actual currency. In order to combat this predicament I have taken as many opportunities as possible to pay for the meals or other simple things for the students and Chinese friends I come into contact with. While this may sound like a simple task, it proves much more difficult than one would imagine. The students are very sneaky about beating you to the payment punch. Even though they have nowhere near the spending power of your average employed person, they persist in treating us as "guests" of China and seizing every possible chance to treat us as such. Facing such stiff opposition leads us to take dramatic measures. More than a few times I have pretended to excuse myself to the bathroom in order to prepay a meal, subtly slip the taxi driver a bill before my Chinese counterparts get a chance, or physically tackle my friends before they can reach for their wallets. As fervent as our efforts are, we are still oftentimes bested and must resort to letting them off with a warning that next time it will be our treat, or else.

I sense much fear in you

China does not celebrate Halloween. While this is understandable given the nature of the holiday and its strange not-China-related origins, I find it to be a tragedy for a number of reasons.
Chinese people...
1. are easily entertained by costumes
2. love to eat candy
3. are ridiculously superstitious

Last week we were walking back from a dinner at one of our favorite restaurants that we like to refer to as "Rainforest Cafe" (due to the foliage/fruit on the ceiling, no such luck as to have animals and rainstorms during your meal). As we were walking, we noticed a number of people burning things on the side of the road. Burning trash, while illegal, is not an uncommon sight but the frequency of the event on this night far surpassed our previous encounters. After inquiring the reason for the plethora of mini bonfires, our Chinese friend told us that they are burning money to send to the ancestors in the afterlife. Intrigued and a little disturbed at the prospect of being a little short of some post-mortem cash money, I questioned where they got this ethereal currency. The short answer was that it was just fake money that didn't even really look like real money. After a few more minutes of discussion Jon made the excellent point that maybe if they really believed it would work they would burn their "real" money. Our Chinese friend dismissed this as preposterous and also illegal. A good point as well.

Because of the lack of Halloween awareness here in China, it seems that me and my fellow Americans have taken it upon ourselves to educate everyone we can about this sweet holdiay. For the past week and a half I have spent the majority of my class time teaching fun Halloween words and telling spooky tales which have gone over with more giggles than the screams I was hoping for. For the day itself we traveled to the Financial College where Jon and Ryan teach to have a movie night for students who were interested in watching a scary film. Evidently they were very interested as the big room was packed out with over 400 students who showed up to watch Poltergeist, a fantastic 1982 Steven Spielberg film. The film did not disappoint the viewers and it was really fun to watch the hundreds of students react to the movie with collective screams, laughs, and even applause. After the film we took some students out for coffee and had a great time creating our own tale by playing a game where everyone says one sentence of a story and proceeds in a circular fashion. It will remain one of my favorite Halloween memories ever (right after the time when me and my housemates in college each dressed up as characters from John Carpenter's horrific masterpiece The Thing, pictured here).

I have enjoyed getting to know students from my own college and have recently branched out to make about 1,000 new friends at Jon and Ryan's school as well. After receiving an invitation to come watch some students compete in a karaoke competition, I traveled to the first time last week to the campus of their Financial college. The competition turned out to be a diverse talent show-like operation with singers, dancers, and the occasional magic act thrown in just for the heck of it. Ryan joined the fray by singing Michael Jackson's classic hit, Man in the Mirror and then Jon and I joined him on stage in a collaborative American effort to sing our beloved Oasis song, Wonderwall. Aside from a few falters and lyrical errors, the song went off beautifully. The whole thing felt slightly reminiscent of playing Rock Band and singing the vocals with Jon on the guitar. It was slightly distracting when the students kept coming to the stage and wrapping us with these flamboyant tinsel scarves in the middle of singing but that is one of those things you just don't question. I have uploaded both performances for your viewing pleasure and apologize for the Chinese student who took pictures with the camera while taking the video, he couldn't help himself.





If Halloween turned out to be this much fun I can only imagine what the future holds for the holidays to come. I am slightly concerned at the prospects of finding a turkey here though, we might have to settle for some Peking Duck. Mmmmmhhhh.